She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
