Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
