I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
