My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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