I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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