I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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