If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize