i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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