when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize