I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
