why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Randomize
