after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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