the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
