not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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