I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
