possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
