Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
