You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Tell her she can't have a vagina
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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