you have to choose: penises or morals?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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