And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
