We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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