Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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