I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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