i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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