Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
