dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
