I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
