I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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