dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
