Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
