i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
