Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
