Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
