First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
