she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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