do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
