We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
