I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
