weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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