Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
