Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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