batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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