she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
My balls are so social today.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
