Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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