guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize