Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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