I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
it's great music for shaving your balls
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
