if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
