chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
