when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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