i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
