Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
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