grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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