4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
