I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
