I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
