Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
