Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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