awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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