I should be sponsored by Trojan
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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