he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
