My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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