You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
