he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
