i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
