elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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