he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
