We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
