Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
