Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
