Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize