Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
