first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
