She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
