Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
