i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize