Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
