i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He better not be in your backpack
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
