he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
