I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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