I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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