If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
