The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize