I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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