We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize