Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
