I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
