Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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