god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
