Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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