I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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