I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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