Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
