Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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