So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
