when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
