there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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