you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
