She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
