Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
