I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
