Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Randomize
