Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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