She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
