When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
