WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
he puts the penis in happiness.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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