Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
